Pregnancy After Stillbirth – Month 2

So it wasn’t immaculate conception after all, but it was the ovary that had its connecting fallopian tube taken out and the ends heat sealed shut that did the deed. My innocent left ovary is gaining praise from the ultrasound technician for being a showpiece for sweet pink cutey internal organs everywhere, while its disconnected partner in crime on the other side was the one actually busy backstage getting the dirty work done.

Mark and I are having this early positioning ultrasound done due a previous eptopic pregnancy. Like most things medical the jargon was the first thing we are confronted with when we walked in.

Firstly; they can tell me that if I do have an ectopic but they can’t tell if I don’t. Hmm…So with that very sensible scientific medical logic on board I put my green medical gown on and assumed the position on the table. Because my husband is away at work most of the time, when I’m asked about my last period, I dismiss the question and state with factual accuracy that conception was only possible on either one of two consecutive days a few stints ago; as that was only time he was home. The technician reminds me over the top of her glasses that they date pregnancies from the date of your last period. I say again I don’t know that specific date of last menstruation as I cannot and never have been bothered to notice, but it’s regular and comes round monthly. But I KNOW for a fact when conception happened. She mentally doubts my every word, I mentally scoff at her.

We get past this amicably and continue. Everything seems nice and normal with the scan. A little bub with budding arms and legs and an oversized alien head,  just the one. Baby I mean. She lets me know it looks to be positioned in the womb but they cannot give me the 100% definitive answer. It sure looks to be in the right spot, and by eight weeks I think there would be a high chance I would have felt by now if it was in the wrong spot.

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So after eight weeks of this pregnancy I actually feel completely normal, I don’t mean completely not pregnant, there is always a slight nausea if I’m hungry or an awareness of my lower abdomen but in terms of being able to function normally it is all going fine. Surprisingly, and it’s very welcome. Having lived through three vomitus pregnancies the mere thought of having a “well” nine months is almost overwhelming. I can eat what I like, thought I do have a preference for savoury at the moment, I can continue with my everyday activities, I can continue my studies in a reasonably unaffected way (obviously some is affected as I do massage and you and others have to be aware of what is okay and not okay to practice on a pregnant women) but all in all it’s going well. So well in fact that after our initial conversation of “I’m pregnant” my husband and I have not really had huge discussions on our new little development. Because my time is not spent on the staring into a toilet bowl we can kept up our social activities as our life is not revolved around the budding new addition yet.

In believe in some way that would have to do with the fact that it is so early in this pregnancy, and through a lot of hit and miss we know that things do happen in early pregnancy that mean it may not progress, so we are not getting carried away with things just yet. We are in a calm, ‘Well let’s just wait and see’  moment. We are kept busy with the end of the school year and getting Christmas organised so our time is occupied elsewhere, which is nice as the days pass without a lingering worry over the pregnancy.
I had been feeling quite well and eating small regular meals. I have taken a break from my hard core exercise routine and nonchalant eating habits and conform back into my routine for “creating new people within me” mode. My exercise subsides to a gentle walk a day and my eating now includes far more carbs and animal proteins, this is part by necessity because as far as food goes it seems toast, fresh cooked chicken and potatoes are flavour of the month. The key is still to have it in small portions, if I eat a large portion I will be sick, if I eat a small portion on a side plate it will settle into my stomach and not come up and make me feel full but not nauseated for hours; which is fantastic. One night over Christmas I overdid it on the salted nuts and had my first and so far only encounter with the bottom of the loo. Mental note to self; stop eating salted nuts.

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Over the Christmas holidays we went visiting and eating and I remarked to my husband that the week prior at our eldest daughters birthday none of the family battered an eyelid when I didn’t partake in devouring the pre-cooked roast chickens and salad with soft cheese topping. So use to seeing me only eat when I’m hungry that this behaviour is not taken as rude, just me being me. I did however eat two portions of the rainbow cake that we had brought. It was good rainbow cake I’m telling you! Creamy goodness.

So when Christmas Day came I was wondering if there was going to be anything I could eat with a good heart, luckily the turkey was still baking and served fresh after arriving, the veggies were hot roasted and the salads I brought with me, so I knew exactly what was in them. My brother in law also made sticky date puddings, they were gooood! Sticky toffee good. Hubby and I shared one so as not to overdo it. Thankfully it all stayed down and I had not a spot of explaining to do, no one cottoned on. Perfect crime.

On Boxing Day the family and I make our way to my Nan’s house, she is 88 and one of my very favourite people in the world. On the way there I am tired and pale and feel nothing like as vibrant as the day before. We arrive and I probably seem a little subdued but I explain I’m just a bit tired from the outset and it’s not mentioned again. We have a lovely morning together. She made us her Sultana Cake, I have it for lunch. It’s my favourite.

We stop on at my sister in laws on the way back to drop off presents, my mum and step dad are there and they mention to me that two family members have mentioned that I am looking too thin. I tell mum that it’s probably because I feel sick and pale, not actually my weight that is throwing them, as on this particular day I feel like hurling and then sleeping for three days.

In fact I have put on a whole kilo this week, from 45 to 46 kilos, (Mum scoffs at me) but it’s a kilo in the front so in fact to those who already know, I can already look suspiciously ‘with child’ or it could just be “with Rainbow cake and Sticky Date pudding and Nan’s home recipe Sultana Pound cake”.

Finally we make it home, Christmas time done for another year. Mission Completed. So now the only mission remaining for this second and third month is to remain pregnant ! Fingers crossed.